Knowledge Isn't Always Power
by MissingMommy
Summary: After Arthur's death, Merlin doesn't go back to Camelot. Instead, he seeks one thing - the answers. He only finds the answers he doesn't really want to know.


For Luce and Alais, from Harry and Clara.

.

Merlin sits facing the lake, his arms wrapped around his knees. Tears run continuously down his face, but the sobs have subsided. He took every precaution to prevent this from happening. He did everything he could to protect Arthur, and yet, he still failed. Arthur died and he doesn't think he's coming back, regardless of what Kilgharrah said.

For a while, Merlin is lost in his own thoughts, watching the lake as the sun disappears behind the trees. He doesn't move and he doesn't bother to feed himself. He sits perfectly still even when he hears the sounds of twigs breaking behind him. He feels a hand on his shoulder. "Merlin?" he hears.

Merlin glances up to meet the face of Percival. He looks exhausted and there are bruises around his wrists, which Merlin knows is from being tied up. Merlin returns his gaze to the lake, not responding to him. He's trying to gather up the courage to answer the next inevitable question. "Where's Arthur?" Percival asks.

Shaking his head, Merlin whispers, "I couldn't save him." A fresh wave of tears runs down Merlin's pale face. His body shakes with the force of the sobs, causing Percival to sit next to him.

Silence falls between the two while Merlin tries to calm himself and Percival tries to figure out how to make this okay. Percival sighs in defeat and starts to set up camp since Merlin is in no shape to travel. As he gathers firewood, Percival continuously watches Merlin. The entire time that Percival make camp, Merlin doesn't move.

Handing Merlin a bowl of soup, Percival takes the seat next to him again. "You need to eat. It's a long journey back," he says as Merlin takes the bowl but makes no effort to eat it. Percival eats, occasionally glancing at Merlin to see if he's eaten.

It takes a while before Merlin finishes his food, but Percival really can't complain since he's eating. It's much more of a hassle to get Merlin to sleep than it was to get him to eat. Finally, Percival wraps the blanket around Merlin's shoulder and leaves him alone. Merlin doesn't want comfort right now, and Percival can respect that.

.

By the time that Percival wakes up the next morning, Merlin's entire attitude has shifted. There's a bowl of food sitting next to his bedroll, and Merlin is currently watering the horse. Wordlessly, Percival gets ready for the day, downing his food and putting away his bedroll. When he goes to mount his horse, he turns toward Merlin. "Aren't you coming?" Percival asks.

Merlin is standing a bit away, watching the lake once more. He shakes his head. "I have something I need to do," he says. When he sees Percival's curious stare, he adds, "Alone." Percival's face become somber, but he nods his understanding. "Tell Gwen that I'm sorry, and tell Gaius that I don't know when I'll be back."

Percival offers him the reigns of the horse, to which Merlin just shakes his head. "You need it more than I do," he tells him before gathering his stuff.

"There are still Saxtons out here, looking for Arthur," Percival tells him. "Are you sure you're going to be fine alone?"

Merlin nods, a small smile on his face; it's the first one Percival seen since he's arrived. "I made it here, didn't I?" he asks. There's an unsaid, _but Arthur still died_ that lingers in the air, but neither mention it. "I'll be fine. Just hurry with that news to the Queen and Gaius."

Percival meets his eyes, searching for something that he must find because he agrees. "We'll be waiting for you in Camelot, Merlin," he whispers. He mounts his horse, and gives Merlin one last look. "Be safe." Before Merlin can answer, Percival is riding away at full speed.

Merlin sets off in the direction of Fortress of Ismere. It'll take him a week to get there without a horse, but the walk is more of a comfort than a curse. It allows him to examine where everything went wrong.

.

By the time that the Fortress of Ismere comes into view, Merlin doesn't actually know what he is here for. It was a rash decision in the beginning and now that's he's standing in front of ragged tower, he wonders if it was the right one.

Before he gets any closer, he uses his magic to detect enemy presence; when he finds only the source of the person he's looking for, he pushes open the door and enters. He makes his way to the throne room. The room is bare except for the lone throne chair sitting in the middle of the room.

"Merlin," she greets.

He nods respectfully. "Euchdag," he replies.

She stands, rising taller than Merlin. Her lanky figure glows brighter than it did the last time they met, and Merlin can't help but wonder why. However, he isn't here for that.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Warlock," she consoles. "But that is not what you are here for."

He shakes his head. "Why didn't you tell me that he would die?" he questions. His voice breaks on the last word, and he knows that he'll never get used to saying it. "Why didn't you tell me how to prevent this?"

"You didn't ask."

The statement echoes through the near empty hall. Merlin stares at her, disbelief written on his face. "I could've prevented this if I just asked? And because I didn't ask, the prophecy came to pass. Was this how was always going to end?"

"Yes," she confirms. "You did everything you could to prevent the prophecy from coming to pass, and by doing that without the proper knowledge, you ensured that it would."

There's a long pause as Merlin tries to digest the news. Euchdag waits patiently for the question that she knows is coming next. "Kilgharrah says that Arthur will come back. Is that true? Is he coming back?" he asks softly, hopefulness leaking in his voice.

She nods. "Just as Kilgharrah said, when Albion needs Arthur the most, he will return and you will be there to greet him." Relief floods his face. "Tell me, Emrys, do you know the meaning of your name?" she asks, shifting the subject. He shakes his head. "It means immortal."

"As in, I'm never going to die?"

"The magic you possess and the strength of it will preserve your body. I cannot tell you for how long, but there is a chance that it is forever. That is why you will be able to greet Arthur when he returns," she replies. "For your destiny and his are forever intertwined. You cannot rest while your destiny remains unfinished."

Merlin closes his eyes. "When will he rise?" he asks. He's afraid of the answer, but he needs to know.

She gives him a sad look. "Not in your friend's lifetime. I cannot tell you exactly when, but it will be a long time. It will be a lonely life, Emrys, but never lose faith. The destiny that awaits you is far greater than the achievements you have already accomplished."

There are few more questions that Merlin wants answers to – _am I going to age?; what is going to happen to all my friends?; what is going to happen to Camelot?_ – but he doesn't ask. He doesn't ask because he doesn't want the answer to weigh on his mind, to control his actions anymore.

Instead, Merlin whispers, "Thank you," to Euchdag and turns on his heels, disappearing the way he came.

.

As he stands at Camelot's gates, he inhales deeply. This is the start of a new era. This is the beginning of peace. And all he knows is that he wants no part of it.


End file.
